It's Ladies night!

Girls drink 2 for 1 at webster hall! Guys pay $75 bucks at the door for bad techno and bridge and tunnel girls, girls get in free with a staten island ID! (Heard that this morning on krock)

So it's minus 3-4 hours until mike's weekend. Made a surprise visit to see amma at dinner with B, S, and Abby. I must say though i'm a bit dissapointed, after pink girl and amma telling me bout abby's bosom, i never got to see them (even from a clinical standpoint), so boo to all of you ;)

This weekend shall be fun and i worked my butt off all week to get everything done.

in other news:

the flatulance scare of 2004 has officailly come to an end (at least this week). I wanted to thank the new york fire department, the nypd, and dick cheney for the tireless efforts at helping to keep the noxious emissions under control...wait a minute, dick cheney likes noxious emissions, that's why him and bush have peeled back every environmental law...but i digress.

Big bro has all moved in to the apt, and bella seems to be doing well there, she loves running up and down the stairs, and back up the stairs...and back down them again. a housewarming party is not far off.

It is time to go across the street to Pfizer, perhaps i will hit the pfizer store after and get some goodies...like 87 zantac for 3 bucks...god bless america.

Are there things other than flatulance?

yes, it is just that it seems to be an overarching theme in my life as of late...although amma calls it fluffing.

In irellevant news i'm annoyed b/c i went downstairs to get a chicken wrap only to return to find that my own client meeting (a meeting i was not required to attend) had a fully catered lunch and the leftovers were just sitting there in the kitchen...

DAMN YOU CLIENT LUNCH!

T-minus 24 hours until mike's bachelor party, my second one in a few months...this one will prob be more low key, (translation: no in room entertainment), but still a blast.

itinerary to include:
1) drive to mohegan sun in ct.
2) traffic on way to mohegan sun in ct.
3) cursing at traffic on way to mohegan sun in ct.
4) Drinking at the mohegan sun in ct.
5) Gambling at the mohegan sun in ct.
6) not sleeping, at the mohegan sun in ct.
7) drive to Drgoldy's place in mass for a day of swimming, eating, basketball and more eating
8) Perhaps cars
9) Hopef ully no traffic.
10)Drive to some other location to go white water rafting.

Sounds like a kick ass bachelor party to me. But, just for fun, i may dress up as the in-room entertainment. (Lap dances are extra)

Flatulance Watch 2004

It's Day 2 of ths years flatulance watch.

You'd think after a day of polluting the air of all my office mates, i'd do something sensible, like say, never eat again. But no instead, we went to milon for indian. And of course i ate and ate. And of course the stink continues.

I'd like to offer an apology to pretty much the entire metropolitan area...if you're wondering what that stink is, it's me.

on another note, i saw al sharpton speak last night at the DNC and he was the most eloquent i've ever heard him speak. it was the first time i actually thought he was making sense...specially when he said that bush mislead us. he said if i tell you all to leave this buildiung b/c there's a bomb threat, and when we get outside and ask where's the bomb and i say, 'oh i just wanted you to have a breath of fresh air', that's misleading.

may you live in interesting times.

And in this corner

This one is too good to pass up.

If you feel like i do about bill o'reilly and any of the republican neocon pundits, it's really great to see them put in their place. I'd post the whole transcript from when michael moore came to see bill o'reilly, but it' sprobably just as much fun to click the link....

Michael Moore, the man has balls.

http://www.inthesetimes.com/site/main/ittlist/#michael_moore_and_bill_oreilly_square_off

Tasti Continues to wreak havoc

in other news, a high level of methane was reported in the greater metropolitan area, particularly near 42nd street b/w 2 and third on the ninth floor of a building.

it is one thing to have the occasional passing of wind. it's a completely different thing to have a consisitent flow of flatulance come from your booty for a good 7 hours straight.

DAMN YOU O-HENRY/CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE WITH BUTTERFINGER ON A SUGAR CONE! DAMN YOU!

Music and Procrastination

I'm so not hip, and I am procrastinating right now...


here's a look at the ten songs i'm listening to the most...in no particular order

1. Bubble Toes-Jack Johnson
2. Testing 1-2-3, Barenaked
3. In Time-Zero 7
4. Request and Line-Black Eyed Peas
5. Careful-Guster
6. Booty Man-Craig David
7. Christmas is all around-Billy Mack
8. One Week (Live cool concert acoustic version)-Barenaked
9. Celebrity-Barenaked
10. If I ever feel better-Phoenix.

A Tasti Attack

I had a bad day yesterday. And like most people, after a rotten day on the job, i like to drown my sorrows away. Do i do what most people do? Drink booze, eat unhealthy food, smoke cigarettes (did for a while, but over that part). No...i get dressed in the rain and drown my sorrows in frozen yogurt. That's right tasti-d.

The ironic part of tasti-d was that it used to tout itself as a fat free, lactose free product. As we all know from the seinfeld episode, it's not fat free. And if you now go into most of the tasti d stores, you'll see a sign that says "lactose reduced" instead of lactose free. What does that mean? That means that if you have a sensitive stomach like me or even amma, an gastrointestinal response is not far behind.

This is a script (albiet a tad embellished for readers sake) of last night after amma and me ate our tasti-d.

Well first it begins with me watching the Daily Show after staying up to watch the DNC. Let's say OBama is the future of this country. If you dont' know who i'm talking about, go onto google and type Obama. Don't be confused with OSama, they are a little bit different.

So i was watching the daily show and was laughing my little behind off. I am always amused by the DS, but last night was particularly hysterical. I came into my bedroom to find amma sleeping since she wasn't in the mood to watch the DNC. I get into bed and she snuggles up to me, and i start to watch the DS. The show, being so funny, makes me burst out laughing in a way i havent done in a few days. Giggling like a school girl and probably frustrated by my shaking, she pushed off of me, but not before announcing, "my tummy hurts." "Was it the D?" i ask. She nods. I rub her belly. She falls asleep.

That's when the gastroinestinal squad dropped the bomb.

I heard a loud noise coming from what i thought was outside. the whole apartment shook. Then the smell came in. For fear of a terrorist attack I grabbed some plastic bags and duck tape and sealed the weapons, b/c as Tom Ridge told me, this will keep any chemical bombs or nuclear emissions from getting into the apartment.

Of course the smell wasn't from outside, it was from inside, and from my poor amma's belly.

By sealing in the smell and closing off the windows i essentially created a hyper super insulated smell factory. My pet cactus keeled over and died. It was a sad and depressing moment. I had to open the doors and fan it out, but the damage was done.

OK...the fart smelled around the world didnt actually happen last night, but poor amma's tummy didnt like the tasti-d.

Call me...

Sleep

You ever hear the expression "I'll sleep when i'm dead?" What a crock of shit.

People act as if the act of sleep is overated. That life is so chock full of excitement and surprises that the natural act of sleep, or rest and rejuvination, is unneccessary, even a luxury.

I missed tv last night, i missed the democratic national convention, i missed bill clinton and his seductive charm, calling to me, whispering sweet nothigns into my ear and....(wait i minute, did i type that out loud?) and i missed it all because i went to bed at 10pm. And it was everything i had always dreamed it would be. (No pun intended)

Ok, i like to go out and live the night life, but you reach a point where after your third consecutive all nighter, when life seems like just some vague veiled dream, and the weird acid in your stomach roars, it's time to rest.

And to be honest, life isn't always all that interesting. I know people who think that if they take a night off to relax or regroup that the most amazing 'bestest thing of all time' will happen without them. Most of the time, Puffy doesn't make it to the club.

I think I take granted the power of a solid 8 hours of sleep. I haven't appreciated sleep this much since i was a pledge in college and was involved in a series of sleep deprivation sensory impact studies (aka "hell week"). Dreaming's not so bad either, when i can remember what it is that i dream about.

So here's to sleep. We don't see her enough, but when we do, it's always a great time.

Irony

Life is not without it's irony. One can write about a constipation of the soul, while at the same time suffering from a lack of constipation of the bowels. 4 visits to the men's room and counting.

And so it begins...

Well, with some pushing from AM, the love of my life (I will do my best not to make people vomit while reading my blog), here I am.

With everyone else and their mother writing blogs (except my mother, who still can't figure out how to turn her computer on and refers to anything electronic as a 'jobby'), why the hell am I going to add my uncollected collective thoughts to the ever growing compendium of useless notion and thoughts? I guess it's simple: I am suffering from a constipation of the soul. I am unable to write, or poo as to speak. I am not having regular bowel movements so I am here. I consider this to be the spiritual enema I am looking for.

IF you're wondering what the hell a southpaw is, do some soul searching or ask anyone who knows about baseball. As for chew, well unless you know me really well, i guess that's me being mysterious.

I'm writing as we speak instead of finishing a "sell sheet" as they say in my biz about the maximum performance of a particular erectile dysfunction drug. I won't say which one, but I will say that I’m not only the president, I’m also a member.

I'm glad we had this talk.